I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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