Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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