I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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