I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
