I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
