So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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