Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
