i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
