Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
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