you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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