2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
