the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
