he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Pooping to opera.
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