Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
