It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
