She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
