A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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