Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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