The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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