Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
