Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just want nice things and good sex
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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