On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
well most of my day revolves around power hour
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
