spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
My underwear smells like fireworks.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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