So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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