Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
