We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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