btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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