She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
