Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
