ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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