Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
