im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
