i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
