you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
