if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
