I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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