Don't you send me to vm
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
