Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
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