when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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