At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
