Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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