Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
