He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Just pee around me
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
