im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
