True but thats because hes a fetus.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
