worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
BRING THE BAGELS
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
