So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
