I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
