Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
my being single is dangerous.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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