So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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