Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
