Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
